Please Mr Postman

I am wildly excited by my postman. Not erotically, although I am sure he too has his "Followers".No, I have become a funny old lady,who peers out into Gambier Terrace in the hope of seeing his little red bag bob - bob - bobbing-along like the Robin so correctly celebrated in song. With an optimism bordering on the unhinged, I run down the stairs to trap him, before that "Sorry,You Were Not Quick Enough" card appears through the letterbox. Sometimes, alas, I do not make it, and after tapping softly on the front door with the sponge supplied by Royal Mail, he bolts away.I then stare in dismay at the card. It used to invite me to trot down the hill to Mount Pleasant, and try my luck at avoiding deadly red mail vans hurtling round corners and on to the pavement. This was always bracing, although the less nimble were ruthlessly culled.The surge of adrenaline generally carried me through to the sepia-tinted office,which boasted a cage.This, presumably, was for the punters who could not or did not read the notice which stated firmly that we , the public, must not hit the staff. The staff did not strike me as hittable;being polite, yet evidently disillusioned, in that marvellously sanguine way that Liverpolitans do better than anyone else. It was possible to exchange a wry comment with them on the subject of the hopelessness of ever trying to do or achieve anything, ever. Samuel Beckett would have loved working there.
But Kafka has now become the prevailing style.I am now requested to go to somewhere quite inaccessible and possibly non-existent near the River,to get my package. It's a big river, and I have but a small boat.

Sad really.Even when I do get mail,it is usually impertinent demands from Power Suppliers, or the joyful news that I can now go and get my breasts screened. Martin Amis once said that all letters should be about sex or money,so I suppose they vaguely fit that description. Even The Reader's Digest have given up on me.Perhaps I should start writing to THEM, telling them that they have been chosen from a select group of companies in their area, to receive a Mystery Cash Prize. After all, you have to work at relationships...