All Creatures Grunt And Spell

"Eight out of ten dogs WHO EXPRESSED A PREFERENCE,preferred (brand name) dog food".Right.I went unsuspectingly to sleep last night, and have woken again in a reconfigured and disturbing world. One in which animals can now talk. This is the work of Satan. Animals are dumb, and it says so on the label,in fact,it is one of their most attractive features. The place is full of peabrains giving vent already,without birds and cats putting in their two-penn'orth. And yet this advertisement clearly says that they now express preferences. We know that it must be true, and must therefore adjust to the new regime.
I was prepared for cats to develop opposable thumbs;they have been working on that one for some time now.YouTube is full of proof, cats opening fridge doors, answering phones.They will be moving into catering and call centres. I don't think they will like having their calls monitored for training purrrposes, though.
But we must look at this new development with the cheerful adaptability that has given our species the edge thus far. So we won't have any jobs;but many of us haven't had one for a while anyway. Will French animals speak French? Bien sur mec,  or they won't last two minutes. France is a country of unsentimental pragmatists, and they will not be swayed in their ambition to cook everything on the planet by a meat creature  bleating away for mercy in English.They won't sell you suncream if your tenses aren't in order.
I know that foreign animals make different noises, because if you look at language text books,this is made perfectly plain. A French cat goes "Minou, minou". Dogs, for some reason, say "Aargh", probably as a result of being carried around in some poncey handbag. A child who speaks Mandarin Chinese will tell you that a cow says "Wo,wo".As indeed it might. But I musn't get carried away, we have enough troubles on our own doorstep with this alarming development. It has already occurred to me that all large dogs will sound like Stephen Fry, whilst cats will have the voices of either Felicity  Kendall or Kenneth Williams, depending on gender.
I am seriously worried by the possibilities that animals will now be able to grass us up. Children are embarrassing enough,but another little puppy voice from the carpet  interjecting "But YOU said..." into the necessary social embellishments that one is required to make to the raw and unpleasant truth....? 
Let's get eating them , before they learn to write and send texts,or I give the human race six months.